Women Do Not Like Cum In Their Hair!!!

Dear Men of LA:

You got your dream girl in bed!!!  Wow!  Now you think all of your hard work is done and it’s smooth sailing from hear on out.  Think again.  The hard work is just beginning.  So here are a few clues that may help you in your quest to not piss your girl off while you guys are in bed.

1  Do not cum in her hair.  Do you know how hard that shit is to get out of your hair?  Once it dries it’s stuck there like super glue.  If you are going to pull it out aim for the sheets or anywhere else but toward her head.  That brings me to point number 2.

2  I don’t know why men think cumming on a girl’s face is sexy, but here is a clue.  Women hate it.  First off, if you cum on her face and it gets in her eyes it stings like a bitch.  Seriously!!  And it stings forever.  I don’t know what’s in your cum, but it’s nothing good.  Secondly, cum ruins a girl’s makeup.  Do you know how hard it was to get our makeup just right for you and then you go and ruin it with your cum?  Ugh!!!

3.  Sometimes a girl is not ready to go as soon as she hits the sheets.  Help her out a little.  And I do not mean go digging for clit gold as soon you get your hand down there.  Lube or just plain spit is a guy’s best friend.  Be sure to put some on your finger before your start rubbing down there.  Sometimes women are as dry as the Sahara desert and a little lubrication goes a long way.

4.  Women may like a little nibbling but they don’t like you chomping down like you just bit into a juicy steak while making out.  And for God’s sake don’t bite like a rabid dog on her face, neck, boobs, or any other part of her body.  That shit hurts dude.  Don’t leave marks.  Nobody likes to wake up the next morning looking like a rape victim.

5.  Don’t spit into her mouth.  It’s not sexy.  Your spit tastes like shit.  Keep it to yourself.

Taking A Slobber Bath Is Not Sexy

Dear Men of LA:

Taking a slobber bath is not sexy.  Have spit go up your nose while kissing is down right gross.  Looking over at the person you’ve been kissing for the last half hour and seeing drool all over their face is definitely not a turn on.  Finally spitting in a person’s mouth and expecting them to say, “Yum, Yum, ooh your spit tastes good” is about as likely as seeing Charlie Hunnam walking down the street naked.  (Yeah don’t I wish!)  Your spit does not taste minty fresh, it tastes gross.  So next time your are making out with your girl let’s keep the spit to a minimum.  Let’s try to keep it in our mouth where it belongs.  Because I guarantee you the last thing a girl wants is to be washing spit off her face while she’s doing the walk of shame.