Taking A Slobber Bath Is Not Sexy

Dear Men of LA:

Taking a slobber bath is not sexy.  Have spit go up your nose while kissing is down right gross.  Looking over at the person you’ve been kissing for the last half hour and seeing drool all over their face is definitely not a turn on.  Finally spitting in a person’s mouth and expecting them to say, “Yum, Yum, ooh your spit tastes good” is about as likely as seeing Charlie Hunnam walking down the street naked.  (Yeah don’t I wish!)  Your spit does not taste minty fresh, it tastes gross.  So next time your are making out with your girl let’s keep the spit to a minimum.  Let’s try to keep it in our mouth where it belongs.  Because I guarantee you the last thing a girl wants is to be washing spit off her face while she’s doing the walk of shame.

God Gave You Ears For A Reason! Leave Me Alone So I Can Watch Charlie Hunnam Run Around Half Naked On TV!

Dear Men of LA:

God gave you ears for a reason.  He just didn’t put them on your head for decoration or as a place to stuff random crap in.  So use them.

When a woman says, “hey I don’t feel like having sex with you because I have a headache.”  Listen!  (Although she’s probably lying about the headache!)

When a woman says, “hey I can’t go out with you tonight, but maybe some other night.”  Listen!  (Although she probably doesn’t want to go out with you at all.)

When a woman says, “it’s over!  I don’t want to go out with you anymore.”  Listen!  (It doesn’t mean try harder.  It really is over.)

And for the love of God, when a woman says, “don’t bother me while I’m trying to watch Sons of Anarchy.”  Listen!   (It doesn’t mean keep on pestering me.  It isn’t code for I want to have sex with you.

It means leave me the hell alone because I want to drool all over Charlie Hunnam while he runs around half naked on TV.)