Thank you to Alana Fayson and Jessica Hawkins Ryan for the inspiration!
Dear Men of LA:
No one likes the boomerang dick. When we close the door on your dick, it’s closed for good. Don’t think just because you left some ratty ass stuffed dog (that you probably got from the 99 cent store) on our back doorstep that we are going to take your dick back. (FYI: Miss Tiddlywinks just finished therapy for the whole leaving the toilet seat up fiasco, now she has to go back because your stupid dog is giving her nightmares!) Don’t think sending dick pics is going to make us want your dick back. (FYI: Dick pics aren’t that sexy. We know what your dick looks like. We don’t need a picture.) Don’t think, “Forgive me. I miss you. I can’t live without you” is going to get your dick in the pussy door. (FYI: We’ve heard that shit before. Remember we watch romantic movies. That shit never works in real life.) The boomerang dick never works. We’re always going to throw it right back at you, so keep it to yourself.