How Do I Touch Your Boob?

This really happened last night.

Dear Men of LA:

It’s never a good idea to go up to a random girl in a bar and say, “how do I touch your boob?”  Really?  How do you think your night is going to end?  With a threesome?  Wild monkey sex?  Her letting you actually touch her boob?  Well, let me tell you none of the above is going to happen.  What is going to happen is she’s going to slap you so hard that you fall off the bar stool and you are going to hit your head on the cold cement floor.  Then you are going to have to go to the hospital because you’ll probably need stitches for your bleeding head.  You’ll end the night sitting in the waiting room next to a cross-dresser named Kitty who lets his hand slide down to your…………..   And the rest is history.   The moral of this story:  learn how to touch a boob on your own.