How Am I Going To Get Saliva On Your Face?

Ok kids, since I’m on vacation in Antigua Guatemala this is going to be Dear Men of LA Antigua style.

Dear Men of Antigua, Guatemala

If you are trying to pick up a chick at a bar {like The Snug or Cafe No Se} then for the love of God don’t go up to her and say things like:

1  How am I going to get my saliva on your face?

2  You just got saliva raped!

Also if for some reason  the above lines just worked {and I don’t see how unless the girl is desperate or there was an act of God}

then don’t do the following,

Give her a bracelet made out of peanut shells you just made at the bar

and please do the following,

Go home and take a shower because your dog has been licking you at the bar all afternoon.  Also you may want to spray some cologne on the bracelet you just made her because your dog was licking that too.