Here Kitty Kitty. Bang! Bang!

Dear Men of LA:

Don’t send messages to a girl on Ok Cupid like the following:

Do you have pets?   Do you have kitty insurance?  If you don’t it’s too bad because my long hard pistol would love to bang your kitty.  Here kitty kitty.  Bang! Bang! Bang!

Really?  What are you thinking?  Do you really think a girl is going to write back to you and say, “oh baby, come over to my house and bang the shit out of me?”  Only in your dreams big man.  Only in your dreams.

Don’t Show Your Dick To A Girl In A Bar

Dear Men of LA:

If you see a cute girl at a bar and you are trying to hit on her don’t sit down next to her and whip your dick out.  Don’t say, “do you like it” while you are showing it to her.  Believe me she doesn’t want to see it.  You’re either going to get arrested or get your ass beat.  Why not just say hello my name is Eduardo!

Don’t Put Your Mugshot All Over Town

Dear Men of LA:

If you are looking for a woman do not put up flyers all over town asking women to be your girlfriend.  Go on Match.com.   Look at the grocery store for pete’s sake.  And if you are going to be crazy enough to put your mugshot all over town do not put the following on your flyer:

I am looking for a girlfriend.  This is no joke.  I am tired of looking on Ok Cupid and Tinder and thought I would give this a try.  I am reasonably sane and clean and you should be too!  No STDs here.  I love kittens, puppies, and everything magical.  Please respond if you love the same.  dating add