Dear Men of LA,
The grocery store is not a good place to pick up chicks, especially at 1 am. A girl is only at the grocery store at 1 am for two things: wine and ice cream. She’s not there for a late night drive by. Here are some examples of definite DON’TS that I witnessed one night on my way home from work:
1 DON’T Go up to a girl while she’s looking at wine, plant your nose in her neck and then say, “wow you smell good. Want to come home with me?”
2 DON’T Go up to a girl and say, “hey do you want to see my new dildo? It’s a present for my cousin.” Also don’t show it to her, especially if you are a really old guy that smells like shit.
3 DON’T Go up to a girl and say, “hey do you know where they keep the $3.99 wine? I want to impress a girl tonight. Do you think that will impress her?”
4 DON’T Go up to a girl and say, “why are you alone at the grocery store this time of night? Are you looking to get laid? I’d be happy to offer my stud services!”
5 DON’T Go up to a girl and say, “I’m a lot better for you than ice cream and I’m a lot less fattening.”