Dear Men of LA:
I overheard and saw these precious gems while I was at my local clubhouse (the bar) yesterday. Do not say or do any of the below unless you want to be permanently maimed, spit on, slapped, or all three.
- Does your sexy kitty want to come out in play? I’d sure like to pet it.
- Use the words masturbate, grandma, and dick in the same sentence.
- Never go up and lick her face and bite her chin.
- After said biting and licking say, “sex, money?”
- I would like to bend you over the bar and show you how the old folks do it.
- Follow her to the bathroom so you can show her “how to flush the toilet”
- Offer to paint her toenails and then lick them.
- Have you put on some weight? Let me help you work it off.
- Pass out bananas and then say, “I’d sure like to show you where I can put this banana!”