A Zipped Up Dick Is A Whole And Happy Dick!

Dear Men of LA:

Why is it when a man sticks his dick where it doesn’t belong it’s “complicated”?  It’s not complicated, just don’t do it.  Would you stick your dick in an electrical socket?  In a tiger’s mouth?  In a beehive?  No, you wouldn’t because that shit’s not complicated, it’s just plain common sense.  Besides, you may just find your girl using that same line when she’s cutting your dick off after she finds out it’s been somewhere it doesn’t belong.  A zipped up dick, is a whole and happy dick.

Old Spice Does Not Get You Laid

Dear Men of LA:

I just heard this at the grocery store.  “I wear old spice so all of the women that have daddy issues will be attracted to me.”  Let me give you a clue.  No guy wearing old spice ever gets laid.  Any girl that has daddy issues will be attracted to a fifty-year-old guy that looks like her dad or a seventy-year-old guy that looks like her grandpa, not a twenty-five-year-old dude that doesn’t have a clue about cologne and women.