“My Grandma Used To Let Me Watch Her Masturbate” is not a good pick up line!

Dear Men of LA:

I heard this gem on Saturday night:

“Hello beautiful!  I want to go out with you.  I respect you so much.

“Sorry.  I’m going out with someone.”

“How can that be?  I respect you so much!”

“Hmmm.  Thanks!”

“I have so much respect for you.  My grandma taught me respect.  She used to let me watch her masturbate and got me a prostitute when I was thirteen.  She taught me so much respect!”

“What the hell?”

Let this be a lesson to all of you guys out there.  Telling a girl you used to watch your grandma masturbate is not the way to a girl’s heart!!…..Or her vagina!

 

Guys Always Want What They Can’t Have

Dear Men of LA:

Here is something I will never understand.  Why is it when a girl starts dating someone men come flooding out of the woodwork and are all over her like white on rice, but when she’s single, they act like she’s invisible.  Did the girl suddenly grow a third boob?  Did she transform into a triple x porn star?  Where were all you guys when she was sitting alone at night with her cat, Mrs Tittlywinks watching Sex In The City and double fisting Oreos and Nutter Butters? I guess the saying is true, guys always want what they can’t have.  I guarantee you that if the girl became single tomorrow, her third boob and porn star status would disappear and she’d go right back to being invisible.