Dear Men of LA:
Here’s a clue. Women like honesty. They hate to be lied to. You wouldn’t want a girl to lie to you and say you were great in bed when you really sucked ass. Or say you had a big dick, but really it was so small that you could barely see it. If you really don’t want to go to a party don’t lie and say you are on the way. Don’t waste her motherfucking time. Here’s a few other things not to lie about.
1 If she’s fat, don’t lie. Be honest. If she’s fat, tell her she’s fat. Just say it in a nice way. Make her be inspired to go to the gym.
2 If you killed her cat Miss Tiddlywinks, don’t lie. Tell her about it. We know you didn’t mean to flush her cat down the toilet. Just go and get her another cat and pray for forgiveness.
3. If she sucks at sex, don’t lie. Go get her a couple of pornos and show her the way. She may really appreciate some instruction.
4. If her clothes are ugly, don’t lie. Tell her they’re ugly, but again, in a nice way. Take her shopping. Women love to shop.
5. If she smells, don’t lie. Tell her so. True story. Honestly, I had really strong underarm odor and I wore all the wrong perfume. Luckily, I had a boyfriend that told me the truth and did so in a really constructive way. Now I wear the strongest deodorant there is and Dolche and Gabanna Light Blue and everyone says I smell great.
6. If her pussy smells, don’t lie. Same rules apply. They make douches for that shit. She’s gonna notice something is wrong when you don’t want to go down on her. Also, make sure your dick smells good as well or she’s not going to want to go down on you either.