Dear Men of LA:
(Witnessed last night!)
If you are a married man up at the bar trying to pick up some unsuspecting girl you may want to keep a few things in mind:
1. Take off your wedding ring. Women are not stupid. One of the first things women check out on a man is their ring finger. Then Facebook.
2. Facebook If you give her your real name you’d better not have any photos of your wife/significant other all over your facebook page. That’s a dead giveaway. Make up a fake page and give it to her. (I’ve known guys who have done this.)
3. Don’t say, “I promise you aren’t just a drive by.” First off, what the hell is a “drive by?” Is it something like a drive-in? Look if you are going to use a girl like she’s a Seven Eleven, then don’t tell her. She’s never going to go home with you (if she’s smart) if you use her like she’s a hooker straight off Hollywood Blvd.
4. If you are going to pull a drive by on her don’t say it so loud that the whole bar hears you. Keep your mouth shut. I guarantee you there’s at least one girl that will come to your intended victim’s aid. She’ll probably kick your ass.
5. If in the end you do shoot off your mouth and a bunch of girls descend on you like they are at Marc Jacob’s sample sale time to haul ass. Pissed off girls will kick your ass. You may just end up going home with your dick in your hand. And not in a good way!