Learn How To Aim!

Dear Men of LA:
Is it really that hard to aim when you are cumming? Seriously! How hard is it not to shoot your shit in her eye or her hair. Just once I’d love for a guy to get cum in his eye and then see how it feels. It stings like a mother fucker and it’s the gift that keeps on giving because it lasts for hours, not just a few minutes. So for god’s sake aim that shit away from her face!!

What Not To Say To A Girl When You Are Trying To Pick Her Up

I swear I heard every single one of these the other night!

Dear Men of LA:

We all know it’s hard talking to the opposite sex.  It’s hard coming up with those magical words that will make her want to have sex with you.  BUT for the love of God do not say any of the following unless you want to get laughed at, slapped, or have a drink thrown in your face.

1  Old is not bad.

2  I’ve been drinking all night!  Guess what?  I can still get it up!

3  I want you to go home with me.  I promise I won’t hurt you.

4  I’m laying seeds so I can lay some pipe.

5  I’m going home to masterbate with my tears.

6  You are not milf territory yet.

7  If you don’t go home with me I’m going to sleep under a tree.