The Pussy Rule: No Teeth Only Tongue

Dear Men of LA:

You don’t like it when we bite your dick so guess what?  We don’t like it when you bite the shit out of our pussies.  It hurts like a mother fucker.  So next time you go down on us remember tongue only, no teeth.  Remember the golden rule when it comes to oral, if you don’t want us to use our teeth on your dicks, then don’t use your teeth on our pussies.

Jizzaster!!!

Dear Men of LA:

Jizzasters happen every day.  I know you guys can’t help it (or at least you say you can’t help it), but it can be really annoying to the ladies.  Here’s some jizzasters you guys should try to avoid if you don’t want to piss off the ladies.

1  Don’t jizz in her hair.  Do you know how hard is it to get jizz out of your hair?  It’s like super glue when it gets stuck in there.  It’s the worst!  Try to aim for the wall and not her head.

2 Don’t jizz in her eye.   I don’t know what’s in a guy’s jizz, but there’s something in there that makes your eye sting like a mother fucker.  It hurts!!  Next time you jizz in her eye, she may just take some and put in your eye.  Then you’ll see how much that shit hurts.

3  Don’t jizz in her pussy.  Make sure that condom is on nice and tight.  It would be a jizzaster if you had a kid 9 months later.

4.  Don’t jizz too early.  No one likes to have sex for only 30 seconds.

5.  Don’t leave jizz behind.  Clean up the evidence before you leave.  It’ll be a big time jizzaster if you leave some incriminating jizz evidence at her house and her boyfriend finds it.

Women Don’t Like It When You Jam A Dry Finger In Their Pussy!

Dear Men of LA:

Here’s a clue.  Women aren’t always ready to have sex.  Sometimes their pussy can be as dry as the Sahara desert.  So before you go sticking your finger in her pussy put some lube on it.  At the very least put some spit on it.  Also, don’t go jamming it in there like your finger is a jackhammer.  Gently slide it in.  A woman’s pussy is soft and gentle.  It’s not something you beat the shit out of.  You guys don’t like it when we bite your dick.  (Well most of you don’t!)  Women don’t like it when you jam a dry finger in our pussy.