Bush Or No Bush?

Dear Men of LA:

I suppose I should be asking girls this question, but since I think guys see a lot more pussy than girls do I’m asking you.  What’s the deal with the 70’s bush coming back into style?  I mean seriously!!  A couple of weeks ago my best friend and I were at a Korean spa and it was bush land everywhere.  Asians girls, white girls, black girls all had a huge bush.  In fact, my friend and I were the only ones that were shaved.  Are all the 70’s styles coming back in?  Hairy legs, hairy armpits, and hairy pussies or is it just hairy pussies?  Also, is this a fleeting thing or is it hear to stay, because let me tell you if a girl decides to grow out a bush and then has to shave it all off, it will not be a good thing.  That shit itches like a mother when you start letting hair grow down there and then you have to shave it off.  So which is it, bush or no bush?

I Wish I Was Singular!

Dear Men of LA:

Pick up lines can be good or bad.  If they make a girl laugh or smile then keep on going.  If they make her throw a drink in your face then move along.  I swear my favorite opening line of all time is, “Hi” which no one seems to know about.  Here are some funny lines I’ve heard myself or read that I thought were funny, stupid, or both.  Use at your own risks.

You are so pretty!  I wish I was singular.  Do you mean single?  Yeah, that too!  (Honestly, this is one of my all time favorite.  I heard this last week.)

Are you a photographer?  Wow!  Well I’m not one, but I can picture me and you together.

Do you know who what my shirt is made of?  Boyfriend material.

Sorry, but you owe me a drink.  Why?  Because when I saw you, I dropped mine.

I’m not staring at your boobs, I’m staring at your heart.

Are you a cheeto cause I’d love to lick you off my fingers.

Damn girl, you look like you’ve got mad vagina game.

I’ll be Burger King and you be McDonald’s.  I’ll have it my way, and you’ll be lovin’ it.

Did you have lucky charms for breakfast?   Because you are magically delicious!

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer

Girls Hate Their Men Getting Hit On By Other Dudes

Sorry kitties for the absence.  I was in the hospital last week and have been recovering ever since.  Having your gallbladder removed is a bitch.

Dear Men of LA:

If you see a girl out with a dude, please do not hit on the dude.  Girls hate their men getting hit on by other dudes.  Case in point.  This is a real life situation that happened to me a few weeks ago.  My friend and I walked into my local watering hole and immediately he starts getting hit on.  Now I don’t know what it is about him and this bar, but men are on him like white on rice.  It’s a miracle really because a. he’s not gay and b.  it’s a bunch of old dudes that are not gay.  I swear he could make some serious money pimping himself out at this bar. It’s annoying as hell to me because I want him paying attention to me, not these old ass motherfuckers who are trying to get in his pants.  Check this shit out:

“Hey man, you look mighty mannourished. (Yeah he said mannuourned, not malnourished.) Why don’t you let me buy you some dinner?”

“I don’t think so man.  I’m with her.”

“But you look really skinny and yummy.  I’d love to buy you some dinner and get in your pants.”

“Naw.  That’s ok.  I think I’m going to play some pool with her.”

“Really?  That’s a shame.  Cause I’ve got a snake in my pants that I’d love to let loose on you.”

Then the asshole gets up and puts his body against mine and whispers in my ear.  Literally the dude’s tongue was in my ear.  Let me tell you old ass tongue in your ear and old ass dick pressing against you is about the grossest thing there is.

“So I’d love to see your friend’s dick.  I bet it looks really yummy.”

“Yeah and I’m sure you will never know.”

“Come on.  I’d love to peel that shit back like a banana and stick the whole thing in my mouth.”

“Well guess what?  I’ve seen his dick and it’s awesome.  Too bad you’ll never see it.”

“Come on.  Tell me what it’s like.”

“I don’t kiss and tell.  Now get the hell off of me you pervert.”