Dear Men of LA:
There are certain things women do not want to hear right before sex. Let your dick do the talking and not your mouth. Here are a few you definitely need to keep to yourself.
1 My dick is going to tear your pussy up. Really? Women like to have sex, not have their pussy beaten by a stick.
2 I swear I don’t have herpes anymore. Just look and see. Yeah, that’s a ringing endorsement.
3 We can go bareback. All the other girls let me do it that way. Let me tell you something jackass. If all of the other girls really let you go bareback, I guarantee you that they gave you an STD.
4 I swear me and my girlfriend are over with. Every girl knows that’s code for “I’m still with my girlfriend, I just like to get ass on the side.”
5 I don’t have any condoms. Get your ass out of bed and go to 7-11 and get some. No sane woman is going to screw you unless you wrap that sucker up.
6 I swear that’s your hair on my dick. It may look blonde, but it really is black. Clean your dick before you have sex with your woman. It seems like common sense I know, but you would be surprised. Make sure there’s nothing down there that can be tied to the scene of your past crimes. Remember women are like an inspector general when it comes to a man’s dick.