“Remember Me?” Will End Up In Tears, A Bitch Slap, Or A Kick To The Balls!!!

Dear Men of LA:

Here is an annoying habit that you guys have seemed to pick up lately.  After one or two dates or a one night stand, you don’t call the girl again and then maybe a year or two later you call her up and say, “remember me?”  And the stupidest thing is you expect the poor girl to remember.  Or you buy a girl a drink and talk to her for maybe 10 minutes and then a a year or two later you run into her and say, “Hey remember me?  I’m the guy that bought you that drink in a bar a year ago.”   What the fuck?  Seriously?  Let me break it down for you.  The only way a girl is going to remember your dumb ass is the following:

  1.  You were so great at sex that you gave her the orgasm of your life.
  2. After sex you left the toilet set up and her cat, Miss Tittywinks accidentally drowned.  (In that case I wouldn’t try to approach her.  I’d haul ass in the other direction)
  3. You bought her the best drink of her life and then you slipped a hundred dollar bill in her bra.
  4. You made a complete ass out of yourself and threw up all over her when you were drunk.   (Again, turn around and haul ass.  She’s not going to want to see you anyway.  The smell of puke stays with a girl forever!!)

So just walk away dude.  There are plenty of other girls at the bar. She’s not going to remember you and if she does it’s not going to end well.  It’s going to end up in tears, screaming, a bitch slap, or a kick to the balls.  More than likely, all of the above.

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