How Am I Going To Get Saliva On Your Face?

Ok kids, since I’m on vacation in Antigua Guatemala this is going to be Dear Men of LA Antigua style.

Dear Men of Antigua, Guatemala

If you are trying to pick up a chick at a bar {like The Snug or Cafe No Se} then for the love of God don’t go up to her and say things like:

1  How am I going to get my saliva on your face?

2  You just got saliva raped!

Also if for some reason  the above lines just worked {and I don’t see how unless the girl is desperate or there was an act of God}

then don’t do the following,

Give her a bracelet made out of peanut shells you just made at the bar

and please do the following,

Go home and take a shower because your dog has been licking you at the bar all afternoon.  Also you may want to spray some cologne on the bracelet you just made her because your dog was licking that too.

 

 

Wendell: The Best Bar In LA

Dear Men of LA:

Go to Wendell.  Hands down the best bar in LA!

 

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Wendell Bar  656 South Main Street, LA CA

 

Let’s Shut Up During Sex!

Dear Men of LA:

Everyone loves approval.  Everyone loves knowing that they did a good job.  BUT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, do not ask how you are doing during sex.  Do not say, “how’s my technique?”  Do not ask, “am I any good?”  (That one is a real downer, especially if you suck!)  Do not ask, “am I the best you’ve ever had?”  Let me break it down for you.  Women are not scoring you during sex.  They are trying to have an orgasm.  They don’t want to talk.  They want to feel!  So let’s keep the chatter to ourselves.  Save the questions until after sex.   Remember during sex, silence is golden!!

 

Socks On, Pussy Off

Dear Men of LA:

Don’t wear socks during sex.  It’s stupid and a big turn off.  What are you trying to hide?  Ingrown toe nails?  Dirty feet?  Or just plain ugly feet?  Look we’ve all seen it before.  It’s nothing new.  So unless you have some kind of appendage growing out of your foot or they are so grotesque that they will make us jump out of bed screaming take the socks off.  Get completely naked!!  Because I guarantee you that if the socks are on, the pussy is off!!!