Your Dick Is Not A Jackhammer!

Dear Men of LA:

What is it with young dudes and sex?  As men get older they seem to get way better at sex but jeez when they are young they suck.  I know practice makes perfect but isn’t there any natural talent out there?  So I’m here to provide a helping hand to those young guys who are just starting out in the sex department.  Here are a few tips on what not to do:

1.  You are not a St Bernard dog.  Do not slobber all over our faces.  Jeez can you not keep the spit in your mouth?  It doesn’t seem that hard.  I already washed my face once this morning, I don’t know a slobber bath.

2.  Your dick is not a jackhammer.  We don’t want to come out of sex all black and blue looking like we just came out of a car accident.  Don’t treat your dick like a drill and try to drill our pussy to death.  You are not looking for lost oil.  It’s a vagina.  It’s soft and extremely sensitive.  Don’t beat it to death.  Don’t use your dick like a jackhammer.  Think of it this way.  What if we treated your dick like a sausage when we went down on you and bit the shit of you all the time.  (well I know some women do that and I’m sorry)  You wouldn’t like it if we tried to chomp on your dick all the time.  Follow the golden rule!

3.  If you don’t know where a clit is buy a clit map and learn.  Or watch a bunch of porno.  No girl likes you digging around down there.  Figure it out before hand.  And if you have to dig around down there try to be gentle.  How would you like it if a girl took a knife and started digging around your nether region looking for your penis?

7 thoughts on “Your Dick Is Not A Jackhammer!

  1. No… this is not just for young guys. But seriously, people who have been married and are over the age of 35, there is no excuse for not knowing stuff. It has nothing to do with looks either, okay? You might like to add, “Don’t say…”I’m a hot Italian stud” even if you’re from there, while jackhammering.” And thanks for the memories. Ugh!

      • Thank you so much. I learned the hard way that the stereotypes about men from certain countries is so wrong. I literally go, “Let me sit here and watch you bore me to death.” They just talk a good game and are so confident. I’m sorry to say, don’t buy it.

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