Dear Men of LA:
Don’t bring old shit up. Even if you think we haven’t let it go and need to talk about it don’t bring it up. Let sleeping dogs lie. There’s a really good chance we’ve forgotten all about it and bringing it up all over again is going to land your ass in the dog house with no sex for at least a week. Here’s examples of shit you just need to let go:
You used her favorite bra to clean up the beer you spilled all over the couch and ruined it. Don’t bring it up again. Instead go down to the hooker stores on Hollywood Blvd and buy her a sexy hooker bra.
You left a big fat floaty in her toilet which caused her toilet to get stopped up. Don’t bring it up again. Instead quit eating the crap that makes you have those big shits. Also invest in some stool softener.
You left the back door open and her cat, Miss Tiddlywinkles got out and a coyote ate it. Don’t bring it up again. We all know you hated that cat and are glad to see it gone. She’s probably still heart broken about it. So why not get her a stuffed cat that looks like Miss Tiddlywinkles. She can cuddle with it at night instead of you. Or lie!!! Go to the pound and get a cat that looks exactly like Miss Tiddlywinkles and give it to her. She probably won’t know the difference.
You left the toilet seat up and left pee all over the rim and on the floor. Don’t bring it up again. Instead, learn better aim. You’ve been peeing for years, don’t you know how to get it in the toilet by now? Also put the seat down. It’s not that hard.
You borrowed her computer and left all of your nasty porn sites up. Don’t bring it up again. I guarantee you that your girl does not want to watch a three way with two girls and a monkey. Even though you do. So just like the old days when they used to say be kind, rewind. Well we say, be great, erase!!! Erase your browsers! You’ll be getting actual sex and instead of watching it.