I Wanta Have Sex With You But I Respecta You Too Much

Dear Men of LA:

If you are trying to pick up a girl in the bar here are three examples of what NOT to do:

Situation 1

“I wanta (yes wanta) have sex with you.”

“No thank you.”

“Ok I respecta (yes respecta) you.  I leave you alone.”

Then go back 5 minutes later and say “I still wanta have sex with you.”

Here’s a clue.  She did not magically change her mind in the last five minutes. She did not find Jesus and decide you were the best thing on the planet.  Move along and find your next victim!!

Situation 2

“Hey girl how’s it going?”

“Good and you.”

“Great!  Listen I’ve got a full bar back in my room I put together myself.  Would you like to get a drink there with me if you know what I mean?”  And then hit the girl on the arm and wink at her!

Really?  What do you mean?  Do you mean would we like to get a drink with you or do you mean would we like to go to your room and possibly get roofied by you which surely leads to sex?  Do you think we would like to go to your room even though you are a complete stranger who we just met a minute ago?  Do you think we would like to drink your $3 vodka you got from Mexican Costco vs our top shelf Tequila we just paid $15 for?  Lastly don’t hit a girl on the arm and then wink at her.  You are not in the fifth grade nor is it the 70’s and you are staring in a trashy porno.

Situation 3

If you are just meeting a girl don’t clap your hands in her face.  You are going to scare the shit out of her.  Save the clapping when she actually decides to have sex with you.

 

For you Arturo!  You and Vania are my heroes!

 

 

 

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