Clean Your House Before Having Sex

Dear Men of LA:

If you invite a woman over to your house (especially if it’s for the first time) (double especially if it’s to have sex which we all know that’s what you invited her over for) then please make sure your house doesn’t look like a frat house that hasn’t been cleaned since the dawn of time.  Here’s a few things you might want to do:

Clean The Bathroom:  Make sure all of your big ass turds are flushed (no one likes a floaty).  Make sure you spray some air freshner around.  Industrial strength if you can get it from the 99 cents store.  And scrub that bathtub.  Believe it or not girls look at your bathtub.  They are not going to want to do the nasty with you if your bathtub looks like a crime scene.

Clean The Kitchen.  What if your girl gets up in the middle of the night and wanders into your kitchen for a class of water.  Do you really want her to see a sink full of dishes covered in cock roaches?  That will send her screaming out the door and I guarantee you that you will never get laid again.  Also use some of that industrial strength air freshner in there.

Clean The Living Room.  Pick up all of those half read comics.   Make sure all of the porno magazines are put away.   You have a live woman in your house.  You don’t need them.  Also make sure there are no stains on the couch.  You know what kind of stains I’m talking about.   The kind that comes from your hand and………..

Clean Your Bedroom:  Throw all of those dirty socks underneath your bed.  Put clean sheets on the bed.  If you don’t have any go get some.  Putting a clean towel on the bed for her to lay on does not count as clean sheets.  Neither do paper towels.

15 thoughts on “Clean Your House Before Having Sex

  1. No porno magazines or half read comics?! So harsh!

    Just kidding.

    Who still reads porno magazines?

    I will however not leave the porno websites on my computer when having fairer sex company over 🙂

    • No comics, although I do leave my comics around all the time!! ha ha. And good call on the computer. PS I’m reading this new comic called “They’re not like us.” It’s awesome

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