Dear Men of LA:
You’ve hit the grand prize. You are sleeping next to your girl every night. Hell yes! So do you want to keep sleeping next to her every night? Of course you do! So here’s a couple of things that girls do not like waking up to first thing in the morning. Avoid these and you’ll be having sweet dreams next to your girl every night.
1. Girls do not like a dick in their face when they wake up in the morning. Dude, you might just scare her to death. Contrary to popular belief, girls do not wake up wet and ready to go. Give her a minute to wake up. I’m sure you wouldn’t want to wake up with your girl smothering you with her……….
2. Girls do not like to wake up to bad breath or bad body odor. Run to the bathroom and put some toothpaste on your finger and brush your teeth. Use some of her perfume and deodorant. No one likes a smelly boyfriend, especially first thing in the morning.
3. Girls do not like a back rub or foot rub when they are sleeping. Leave her the hell alone. You are like a cat, you want to be fed so you figure if you give us a little attention like a little rub then we will reciprocate. (Damn if my two male cats do that every morning. They are clueless!!) Hell no we won’t. It’s annoying. All we want to do is sleep!
4. Girls don’t like it when you blow in their ear or start nibbling on the ear when they are asleep. This goes hand in hand with the above.
5. Girls don’t like it when you’ve had an accident in the middle of the night. You know what I mean. Farting, spillage, pee, etc. It’s her bed not yours. Hold it to you can get to the bathroom or closet or anywhere in the house but her bed!!! If you have an accident, it won’t be an accident when she never invites you to sleep over again.
6. Girls don’t like it when you hog the bed and or covers. We need some covers too!! You have your side. We have ours. Keep all of your body parts on your side!!!