Knowledge Is Power! Don’t Send Your Girl Into The Seventh Circle Of Hell!!

Dear Men of LA:

Before you offer to give a girl a back rub please know at least halfway what you are doing.  Now we all know “I’ll give you a back rub is code for “If I give you a back rub you’ll give me a blowjob or have sex with me.  Quid Pro Quo”  Now in the girl’s mind she’s cringing because she’s about to get some kind of back torture that rivals pain from the seventh circle of hell.  So before you start kneading and punching the poor girl’s back and sending her into a pain so intense that she’ll probably have to go the ER later, take a breath.  Watch a video.  Surely there must be some kind of how to videos on back rubbing, sex, oral, and other things you might need to know for that special night with your lady.  After all knowledge is power.

8 thoughts on “Knowledge Is Power! Don’t Send Your Girl Into The Seventh Circle Of Hell!!

  1. HAHAHA! I have always been SO specific when getting a back rub, nowadays only from my husband of course, but before I was married… “So, if you rub my back, I am NOT GOING TO SCREW YOU OR BLOW YOU, but I will happily rub your back in return.”

  2. I recommend studying back rubs/massage by following along to a youtube video.

    It’s a bit of a dichotomy because women generally like the sensual feeling of just touch…. But it’s also generally creepy to be a dude offering a massage because of precisely what you say.

  3. I give THE most awesome back-rubs (not kidding) but whenever I ask for one from someone they unleash hell down upon my poor muscles and bones 😥 So not fair ;(

  4. Occasionally, you might met a single woman who is wanting a back rub with an anterior motive. Had to blatantly spell it out for my first boy friend in college. No, he did not drag his knuckles on the ground as he walked, but I think an ape would have been an improvement! Needless to say, I broke up with him when he gave me a promise ring. Married a man who still had to be taught a few things about life, but I happily asked him to marry me!
    Jeanette Hall

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