Dear Men of LA:
We all know you guys love sex. Hell girls love sex too. But there are certain times girls do not want to have sex. Just move along, go watch some porn, and have fun with your hand. Here are some times you should just take no for an answer.
1. If you call a girl up and she says, “I’m not really in the mood tonight. You see, I’m running a 102 temperature and I just coughed up my lungs on the floor.” Do you really want to hit that? She probably looks like she’s been hit in the face (puffy eyes, red nose), hasn’t showered in a couple of days, and is wearing the oldest ugliest pair of undies she owns. Yeah that reeks of sex!! Move along. Trust me you are better off with porn and your hand.
2. If she says, “my kitty, Miss Tittywinks just got ran over! Oh and by the way, you are the asshole that left the back door open!” Don’t even try it. Do you really want to have sex with a slobbering, crying girl. Hell no. Plus you killed her cat for God’s sake. She’s more likely to kill you than have sex with you.
3. If she says, “I’m on the rag.” Ok we know you are one of the few guys that doesn’t care about that stuff, but most girls don’t even feel remotely sexy when it’s their time of the month. Give a girl a break. Do you really want to have sex with a girl and then you’re bed look like a crime scene photo? Blood is hard to get off sheets my friend.
4. If she says, “I have a headache.” We all know this is code for “I’m not into you.” Take a hint and move along.
5. If she says, “I have to get up early in the morning.” Same as above. If she really wants to have sex with you then nothing is going to stop her. If she’d rather sleep than have sex with you, then you are doing something wrong. Leave her alone, go take some sex lessons, and figure your shit out.