Let’s Talk About Sex Baby

Dear Men of LA:

Let’s talk about sex.  I know it’s your favorite topic.  Hell, it’s most people’s favorite topic.  But let’s talk about what you are doing wrong and maybe the next time you get that special girl in the sack.   She’ll be moaning with pleasure and not fake moaning or worse yet, moaning with agony!!

1.  Learn where a girl’s g-spot or clitoris is.  I don’t care if you have to buy a clit map (It’s LA, I’m sure you can find one at a sex shop on Hollywood blvd) or watch a shit load of porn figure it out.  There is nothing more annoying than a guy feeling around down there looking for lost treasure.

2.  This leads me to point number 2.  You are not Indiana Jones down there digging for lost treasure.  You are trying to make your girl feel good.  So don’t dig around there with your finger.  It hurts like a mother.  Imagine if we started poking around your dick with our very sharp finger nails.  Get the picture.

3  Girls love oral sex and I’m not talking about us going down on you.  If it’s done right you’ll have your girl purring like a kitten.  But if it’s done wrong she’ll be cursing your name like you are the second coming of Satan and I doubt you’ll ever be invited back down there.  Here’s a clue.  Don’t bite.  I don’t know why guys think biting feels great to a girl down there.  It doesn’t.  It’s the fourth circle of hell.  So the next time you bite a girl while you are giving her oral she might just refuse the favor and bite into your dick like it’s a hot dog.

4.  Your dick is not a jack hammer.  It’s not an instrument used to break her back or neck.  So don’t pretend it is and use it like one.  Slow and steady wins the race every time.

5.  Now some girls like having their head pushed down while giving you oral.  Good for them.  But most don’t.  So don’t do it and if you think about it, ask!!  It’s annoying as hell!!  We know you want your dick in our mouths.  We’re trying to get in as much as possible and you pushing it in is not going to help us.  Do you like having a sausage stuffed in your mouth?  On second thought don’t answer that.

6.  Anal Sex:  Always ask first.  Some girls don’t like foreign objects up their ass.  Some do!  Again ask first.  To each his own.  Also do not ask unless you are willing to have something up your ass as well.

10 thoughts on “Let’s Talk About Sex Baby

  1. I found this so interesting! Your writing style is so engaging, and screams to be read!
    I am actually trying to start up a blog as well, and would love if you would check it out!

    havesexwithme.wordpress.com

    I look forward to reading more of your work!

  2. LOL clit map! There are so many guys out there who need one. So.freaking.many.
    Holy shit, they bite? Jeremy Freaking Christ!
    You know, I once told a guy that I’d only let him go through my back door if he let me go through his backdoor first, and he got all excited and said yes, and I ran away, and I never saw him again.

    • First off girl, they sure as shit bite. I can’t tell you how many guys have bitten my clit. And it hurts like shit. I don’t know why they think this is sexy. I swear I should make a clit map and sale it. I would be a millionaire big time. And 99 percent of guys want to screw you up the ass but if you say “hey let me screw you up the ass…” they run for the hills. It’s hilarious really. There are very few guys who want anything up there ass.

      • So ladies… take it from *ahem* an “older” perhaps a bit more experienced woman, men actually often DO like a little ass play. Their prostate is like our clit. A little finger, and a lot of lube goes a looooooooong way for them. Most guys are way the hell too ashamed/embarrassed/uncomfortable to even admit or try it, but trust me, if you research it and explore it, you give them a little prostate massage and you will OWN them. Personally, I have tried taking up the butt and seeing as I do NOT have a prostate, it feels like some kind of hell, so yeah, I am not a fan. Some chicks dig it, to each her own. I think the real reason so many guys think that girls will like anal is because it actually DOES feel good to have something in their own ass, due to said prostate.

        Anatomy 101. That is something they just ya don’t teach in Sex Ed haha!

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