Say You Are Sorry! It’s Not The Girl’s Fault You’re Dick Wondered Off To Find New Territory

Dear Men of LA:

Why can’t you just say you’re sorry if you screwed up?  Is it that hard?  You know you did the deed, man up and own up to it.  Don’t put it all on your girl. Say you’re sorry if:

1.  You left your girl hanging on Easter and didn’t text her back until 2 hours later that you weren’t coming at all.  (Say You Are Sorry!  At this rate, the Easter Bunny is never going to come see you again.  And you know we’re really not talking about the Easter Bunny.)

2.  You didn’t shut the back door, her cat, Miss TittyWinkles got out, and a coyote ate it.  (Say You Are Sorry!!  We know you didn’t like that damn cat.  It always got in between you and you’re girl when you were trying to have sex like some weird kinky three way.  But come on, no girl likes to be without her pussy!)

3.  You dropped some of her tampons down the toilet and now it’s stopped up.  (Say You Are Sorry!!  Every girl’s bathroom is a mess.  Live with it.)

4.  You got caught flirting with a girl when you were out with you’re girl.  (Say You are Sorry!!  We all know men have a wondering eye.  It’s natural.  But be stealth about it or the next time it happens you’re girl may be wondering right at the door or her hand wondering towards a kitchen knife.)

5.  And worse yet……  You got caught having sex with another woman.  Say You Are Sorry!!!   (No it’s not the girls fault your dick wondered off to find new territory.  It’s not her fault it needed a new pussy to conquer.  Say you are sorry and don’t do it again.)

6.  You farted in her bed and now her $200 sheets smell like ass.  Say You are Sorry!!!  (Do you know how hard it is to find good sheets?  We all know you just trot down to Target and buy those $9.99 sheets that scratch your ass like there is no tomorrow.  No wonder you like sleeping at the girl’s house so much.  But those sheets are expensive so just run to the closet and fart in there.)

7.  You forgot her birthday, anniversary etc.   Say You Are Sorry!!  (We know you have a lot on your mind like sex, porn, masturbation, what’s on t.v. tonight, and who ate the last cupcake at work, but dates are important.  You have a calendar on your phone! (wow really??)  Use it!!)

4 thoughts on “Say You Are Sorry! It’s Not The Girl’s Fault You’re Dick Wondered Off To Find New Territory

  1. LOL I just pictured something like “The Adventures of Indiana Dick!”
    I’m also gonna play devil’s advocate here and say that holding a fart during the night is really hard and uncomfortable. Like, I have a policy of 100% fart acceptance in my household, because I love to fart myself.

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