My Dick Is Looking For A New Home, Could It Be Your Vagina?

Dear Men of LA:

I don’t understand why it’s so hard to go up to a girl and just say, “hello.”  I don’t get why you feel like you must use some insanely stupid pick up line and then you think said pick up line will immediately make us think you are the best thing since chocolate.  Here are some recent gems you absolutely should not use!  Unless you want to get a drink thrown in your face or you don’t ever want to get laid again.

“I just need to touch your hair to make my life complete.”

“I bought this baby dress for you because I know you would make a wonderful mother.” (Absolutely do not use this one on a complete stranger!)

“Can I have your phone, because I want to put the world’s sexiest guy alive’s  number in there.”

“Are you tired?  Because we’ve been having sex in my dreams all night?”

“Your clothes would look really good on my bedroom floor.”

“My dick is looking for a new home.  Could it be your vagina?”

PS:  I’ve heard all of these gems in the last two weeks.  The first two I heard last Friday night.  Good grief!!!

Pick Up Dress

 

PSS  The above dress is the very dress the guy used to pick me up.  Now it looks more like a dress for a two or three year old than a baby but then again do men know anything about baby dresses?  I sure as hell don’t.  ha ha

28 thoughts on “My Dick Is Looking For A New Home, Could It Be Your Vagina?

  1. I once walked up to a stranger and asked him if I could suck his dick. He smiled and said “Sure, when and where?” I said “Right now in that restroom.” So we went inside the family restroom, and I knelt before him, sucked his dick, swallowed his load, then thanked him, got up, and walked out of the room. We never spoke, nor did we exchange information, and I never saw him again. It was HOT!

  2. People can’t possibly say these things in person, can they? I can understand behind the anonymity of the Internet, because that always brings out the worst in people, but it’s unbelievable that anyone would say these lines to a human face in front of them. I mean, a baby dress?? I’m astonished.

    • Ray do not be astonished. I live in the freak capital of the world remember? I also posted a picture of the baby dress. It’s pretty cute. Now I have to find a kid to give it to. ha ha.

  3. omg lol guys are clueless! Okay, let’s create come backs to these lines!

    “I just need to touch your hair to make my life complete.”
    r: Wanna smell my farts too? Cause I just farted. In your face. (okay, maybe it was too much, but I mean, come on: farts, right?)

    “I bought this baby dress for you because I know you would make a wonderful mother.” (Absolutely do not use this one on a complete stranger!)
    r: Just not your baby’s mother. (Snaaap)

    “Can I have your phone, because I want to put the world’s sexiest guy alive’s number in there.”
    r: WHERE.IS.HE?

    “Are you tired? Because we’ve been having sex in my dreams all night?”
    r: I think you, sir, are mistaking me for your right hand.

    “Your clothes would look really good on my bedroom floor.”
    r: Nah.

    “My dick is looking for a new home. Could it be your vagina?”
    r: OMG yes, you win tonight.

    lol!

    • Princess, you really do kick ass!!! That was absolutely brilliant!! I hear these pick up lines and I have not idea of what to say. I normally just walk away with my mouth hanging wide open in disbelief. By the way I just posted a picture of the dress the guy gave me friday. I think he was mentally unstable. ha ha ha ha

  4. And he did it in front of a big crowd of dudes at this bar I hang out at. After he left, all the guys started laughing and I’m like “What the fuck?” “What the hell do I do with a children’s dress?” The bartender gave me a free shot cause she thought it was hillarous!! I swear I have a big sign on my forehead that says if you are mentally unstable please hit on me!!

    • You know I just walk away because I have no idea of what to say. Should I have said, “wow, my vagina would love to give your penis a home! Can he start paying rent now?” Or “Hey I’m so honored to meat the world’s best looking guy, please put your number in my phone so I can text you to come in the bathroom so we can fuck?” Really I have nothing to say to these freaks. Also if you engage them it’s just that much worse so I just walk away and get another drink. Believe me I need it!!

  5. Yes indeed that is the dress. This nutbag brought the dress into the bar and just had to give it to me followed by his crappy ass pick up line. I have no idea what was going through his mind. I probably don’t want to know. ha ha Just another day in LA I saw you are in the UK, what city are you in? It can’t be the shit show Los Angeles is!

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