Dear Men of LA:
Everyone has three different kinds of lives: Public, Personal, and Private. Let’s talk about all three and when to keep your big mouth shut. Sometimes you can talk about shit and sometimes you can’t. Well here’s a guide my friends.
Public: You can talk about pretty much anything. If your friend says, “hey I just had a baby.” You can tell anyone that. Or, “hey I just ran up and down Sunset Blvd naked.” Yeah you can probably get away with that too. (Actually you would be surprised how much that happens in LA) You get the gist.
Personal: “I have herpes” This definitely is personal but you actually may want to tell your date. “I just got out of jail for date rape.” You definitely want to tell that shit, but probably not to everyone. Don’t worry, you’ll be on a sex offenders list and everyone will know. “I think you’re friend is super hot, can we have a threesome? Definitely personal and you may want to keep that to yourself. Women hate competition.
Private: “I’d like to take you back to my house and have sex with you and then string you up, leave you hanging there and never come back.” Definitely private. Don’t go around sharing those thoughts. You’ll never get laid. “I just robbed a bank.” Keep it to yourself. Spend the money and don’t get caught by the police. “I run a bunch of porn sites.” Don’t tell a woman that. She may think you are trying to recruit her. No one likes a pimp. “Hey guess what everyone, this girl asked me out and I turned her ass down flat! Ha Ha Ha!” Do you want every girl in the bar to beat the shit out of you? Do you ever want to get a date again? Keep your mouth shut. And finally, “I have a coke problem and I’m looking for a baby mama! Hey are you interested in applying?” Definitely keep that shit to yourself.