Dear Men of LA:
If you are going to spend the night at a girl’s house don’t do the following. It will annoy the hell out of a girl and I guarantee you will never be back.
1. Don’t leave the toilet seat up. I know it seems like a little thing, but it’s a pain in the ass. You never know what can happen when you leave the toilet seat up. Her kitty, Silverbelle, may fall in and drown. Her birth control pills may get flushed. Or the girl may fall in and she can’t get up and then she has to call 911 for some hot ass firemen to come pull her out! Then you definitely won’t be coming back because she’ll be off screwing them.
2. Don’t take over the t.v. remote control. No we don’t want to watch your WWE Wrestling or Californication or Cinemax After Midnight (we know it’s crappy porn)! We want to watch girl shows like reruns of Sex in the City or Gossip Girl or Scandal and Jane The Virgin. So suck it up. You can watch your guy shows at home.
3. Our cats sleep with us. Deal with it. If you know a girl has three cats expect all three cats to be sleeping with you guys. They are really soft and cuddly. I promise. And you may even like it!!!
4. Don’t fart in bed. Do you know how much good sheets cost these days? A lot!!! We don’t want your stinky fart all over our 1800 count Egyptian cotton sheets. Hold it and run to the bathroom. If you do that make sure you get some of our expensive perfume and spray it all over the bathroom. We still don’t want to smell your farts.
5. Remember there is a check out time. Your girl’s house is not a Holiday Inn. Don’t expect breakfast. Don’t plan on staying all day the next day. She’s got shit to do. Be respectful. Go home and play PS4, go to work, watch porn, or do whatever you guys do.