Dear Men of LA:
You know you’ve said the shit below. You know it never works so why do you continue to say it? Here’s a refresher on what not to say at the bar/club/coffee shop/grocery store or any where else you are trying to pick up a girl.
1. Lie about your job and say you are an airplane pilot, movie producer, independent millionaire etc. Come on! Everyone knows these are code for I’m unemployed.
2. This goes in conjunction with number 2. I’m trying to find myself right now. Also code for I’m unemployed. How about trying to find yourself a job and then hit on women.
3. I have a place but I’m fixing it up or I have a place but you can’t come over because I have a roommate. Hello. Your roommate is your mom and dad!!! If you are getting that far with a lady always ask to go to her place first. She just may let you over.
4. Wow! You are so refreshing. I’ve never met a girl like you. All women know that’s code for I haven’t met a girl like you in the last five minutes. Be a little more original!
5. I’m sorry I can’t be friends with you on facebook but you can like my facebook artist/musician/business page. Yeah ok loser. We all know you have a girl friend and can’t give out your real facebook page. If you are going to try this shit at least make two regular facebook pages, one real one for your friends and girl friends and one for the skanks you meet at the bar.
6. You can come back to my place and have a drink. All women know that’s code for I want to get into your pants. Unless the girl is drunk that line probably won’t work. So make sure she’s drunk first if you are going to use it!
7. I’m sorry my heart is broken and it may never heal. I just got out of a committed relationship and I’m not ready for anything serious. But if you just want to have some no strings sex I’m down. You are more likely to get a drink thrown in your face for saying this than to get laid. Don’t try it!