Why Can’t You Be Like Daryl Dixon From The Walking Dead

Dear Men of LA:

Why can’t you be like Daryl Dixon from The Walking Dead?  Take a few lessons from Daryl.  I swear if you do, you will have women crawling all over you!!

1. No matter how many zombies he has crawling all over him, his hair always looks good!  Always make sure your hair looks good!

2.  Daryl knows how to kick ass!  He may have a hundred zombies coming after him, but rest assured they will all be dead in a matter of minutes.  Learn how to kick some ass!

3.  Daryl knows how to be supportive.   He’s always supported Rick and been his backup and gave Beth her first taste of Moonshine.  Now that’s a man!  Always back up your partner and give her strong booze when she needs it.

4.  Daryl knows how to listen.  He always listens to Carole, even if she’s bitching and moaning about everything.  Always listen!  You never know, you may miss something important.

5.  Daryl knows how to be a man in a Zombie Apocalypse.  Women love strong men!

Why Don’t You Come Over To My Table and I Can Feed You Some Of My………

Dear Men of LA:

If a woman is having dinner with a man do not go up to her while they are eating and try to pick her up.  Really?  Do you think she’s going to automatically stop eating and drop everything to off into the sunset with you?  Is she going to have you join them and then maybe have some menage trois action going on later?  Let the below be a lesson in what NOT to do:

Man and Woman eating dinner in a restaurant.  He’s having a burger, she’s having calamari.

Strange dude comes up to them:

“Hey beautiful what are you eating tonight?”

“Um Calamari.”

“Wow, that looks good.  Can I set down with you and have some?”

“I don’t think that would be appropriate”

“Better yet why don’t you come over to my table and sit down with me and I can feed you some of my……….”

I swear weird guys follow me everywhere I go.

Can I Go To The Bathroom With You Is Not A Good Pick Up Line!

Dear Men of LA:

Women do not like pickup lines.  If you are going to go up to a women a “hi” or “hello how are you doing tonight” will work just fine.  And if you get it in your head that you absolutely have to use a pick up line

do not say the following:

“Hi you look lost”

“Hi, no not really”

“No you really look lost.  I bet you are looking for the bathroom.  Why don’t I show you how to get there?  I’ll go in there with you and give you a helping hand.”

What the hell?  Are you going to unwrap the toilet paper for me?  Are you going to wipe my ass? Are you going to help me pee?   No thank you!  Find another girl to “help out!”

Always Have Clean Sheets ‘Cause You Don’t Want To Have Sex On Paper Towels

Dear Men of LA:

 

A guy friend and I were out last night and he told me some important advice for all the guys out there:

“I can’t have another date tonight. I don’t have anymore clean sheets or towels. You run out quickly when you date a squirter. There are only so many items laying around that can substitute as a towel. And then those run out. You definitely don’t want to be fucking on top of paper towels.”

If A Girl Wants To Hold Your Hand………..

I actually overheard this the other day!  Good grief!

 

Dear Men of LA:

Please don’t give advice out if you don’t know the first thing about relationships.  Please just keep your mouth closed and keep shit to yourself.  And if you are going to give advice to your guy friends, don’t give out gems like this one:

Guys if a girl starts getting too emotionally attached AKA starts holding your hand in public there is only one good way to scare her away. Become extremely needy and emotionally attached. Don’t give her any space. If she likes it then RUN! Run as fast as you can haha!

God Gave You Ears For A Reason! Leave Me Alone So I Can Watch Charlie Hunnam Run Around Half Naked On TV!

Dear Men of LA:

God gave you ears for a reason.  He just didn’t put them on your head for decoration or as a place to stuff random crap in.  So use them.

When a woman says, “hey I don’t feel like having sex with you because I have a headache.”  Listen!  (Although she’s probably lying about the headache!)

When a woman says, “hey I can’t go out with you tonight, but maybe some other night.”  Listen!  (Although she probably doesn’t want to go out with you at all.)

When a woman says, “it’s over!  I don’t want to go out with you anymore.”  Listen!  (It doesn’t mean try harder.  It really is over.)

And for the love of God, when a woman says, “don’t bother me while I’m trying to watch Sons of Anarchy.”  Listen!   (It doesn’t mean keep on pestering me.  It isn’t code for I want to have sex with you.

It means leave me the hell alone because I want to drool all over Charlie Hunnam while he runs around half naked on TV.)

A Medium Told Me I Should Date You!!

Dear Men of LA:
Do not email a girl you have never met before unless it’s through a dating website.  Do you really think a girl is going to write you back?  Only in your own fantasy land maybe.  If you are going to be crazy enough to do it, for the love of God, do not write the following:  (this is from an actual letter I received)
Hello Dear,
How are you doing today? am R**** and i must tell you how delighted i am to send
you this mail. Am a single parent from New Orleans,and i hope you don’t get angry at my  little
note, I have been a widower for the last couple of years, After the death of my
wife some years ago, i decided to move on in search of a partner.And I hope we
can get to know more about each other! A friend of mine found his soulmate
through a medium and encouraged me to give it a try. I went to her and she told me all about
you and she gave me your email address and told me what you look like.  I like us to get
aquainted via the exchange of mails as it takes time for people to compose an
email and say a little about themselves. I know I’m gonna love you. I have a son and a labrador retreiver
as family and will like to know more about.  They are dying to meet you.Attached with this mail are my
pictures for your perusal. I look forward to reading your mail. r******@hotmail.com, God bless and
have a nice day.
Regards
R*****