Dear Men of LA:
If you go out with a girl for the first time, try not to bring up your criminal record. Don’t say in the middle of dinner, “hey I’m really hoping the judge will bring my charges down to misdemeanor assault. It would be so much better than felony battery.” Oh and for God’s sake if your date asks you what happened (and you know she will) just say you don’t want to talk about it. Don’t say, “Well I did something really evil to my wife and she may never stand up straight again.” Yeah I doubt you are ever gonna get a second date. Let’s keep our criminal record to ourselves, or until at least the third date after you’ve gotten laid.