Let’s Take Things Slow Emotionally

Dear Men of LA:

If you are on a date do not say this to her, “I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically.”  Just find a hooker and pay her $100.   Also don’t steal your lines from Texts From Last Night.

My date said this to me last week and then I find the same line on Texts From Last Night.  What a douche!!

Staring At A Girl Will Lead To Hanging With Big Freddy In Jail

Dear Men of LA,

Do not sit and continuously stare at a girl with your mouth open.  You’ll catch flies in your mouth.  She’s not into you.  It’s creepy and in the end you’ll probably just get pepper sprayed or spend a night in jail with a man named Big Freddy who’ll do all kinds of kinky things to you.  Move along!

Do You Want To Go To My House And Make A Baby?

Dear Men of LA,

Do not use as an opening line, “hey do you want to go to my house and make a baby?”  What do you think is going to happen?  I’m going to say, “oh yes, I’d love to go home with a crazy ass stranger and let him impregnate me!”

It never ceases to amaze me that guys actually think these shitty lines will work.  How about opening with, “hi, how are you today?”  Something short, simple and to the point.  I swear if there is a guy out there teaching men this garbage I’m going to string him up and cut his manly parts off!!

Let’s Get Drunk And Make Out!

Dear Men of LA,

“Let’s get drunk and make out” is not a good first date option.  Be original.  Try to impress your date and make a good first impression.  You are not at a frat party!